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The Concert Guru: What to Do About High Beer Costs

About The Concert Guru

Born into a family of wealth, Jim Rock lived the life of extravagance. Nonstop drugs, sex, and rock ní roll. In fact, during his days at Yale, he was rumored to do more coke than even George C. Bush (The King of Coke). Partying with celebrities, and traveling the world in first class, it was the life of a King. Then one day his dream life came crashing down. A hip injury in the International Rock, Paper, Scissors Championships forced him out of the finals. In a deep depression with suicidal thoughts, Jim decided to study with a famous Guru to find the meaning of life. After 30 years he found it. He changed his name from Jim to The Concert Guru. He has now dedicated his entire life to answer the mystical and mundane questions about Concerts.

To ask The Concert Guru a question, please email Please keep in mind he lives in the hills, and rarely checks his email. Responses usually take 2-3 months.


With gas prices so high, I donít have enough money to get fucked up at the show. Venue prices are so fucking high. What do I do? Chris, Mission Viejo, California 2/15/07


Joy is not found in getting fucked up. However, if you wish to get fucked up, listen: Drink massive amounts of white manís poison before entering the venue. Be careful not to over indulge. You may also buy little bottles of the poison, and put them right next to your genitals. Security guards do not touch that area. If they do touch that area, tell them that it will bring bad luck to them. The Concert Guru.