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Coachella: How to Get Arrested (Or Kicked Out)

How to Get Arrested (Or Kicked Out) at Coachella 2007


March 09, 2007
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Difficulty: Easy
If you want to get arrested at Coachella, or just kicked out, you're in luck! Because it's REALLY easy, and there are many different ways to go about it! Just follow any of the following steps!

If you're one of those people who DON'T want to get arrested or kicked out, this article may still be of some use to you... just think of the following steps as examples of what NOT to do at Coachella this year.

Things You'll Need

  • Drugs
  • Fake tickets
  • Weapon(s)

Instructions

  • STEP 1: SELL COUNTERFEIT TICKETS. Print up some fake tickets and find some sucker to sell them to. When the tickets don't work, they'll go to the police, who have lots of different ways they can track you down. They'll bust you sooner than you expect them to.
  • STEP 2: SELL DRUGS. Sell some drugs in the festival or the parking lot outside. Eventually you'll sell to an undercover cop, get tattled on by some anti-drug crusader, or get spotted by a surveillance camera. At the Wakarusa Festival last year, police used high-tech hidden cameras, night vision equipment, and thermal imaging to surveil up to 85% of the festival grounds, and made over 140 drug arrests. It's doubtful cops at Coachella would use such Big Brother techniques, but you never know.
  • STEP 3: USE DRUGS. The Indio Police Dept. arrests plenty of people every year for using drugs. Even celebrities. Just ask Andy Dick. He got arrested for smoking pot at Coachella back in 2004 (along with 29 others that same night).
  • STEP 4: BRING A WEAPON. This is what all the security guards and cops are focused on finding. They don't even allow pens & pencils in, so how do you think they'll react if they find a REAL weapon on you?
  • STEP 5: GET INTO A FIGHT. Fights are surprisingly rare at Coachella, considering how many people are packed in together. Police are quick to break up trouble. The couple of scuffles I've seen were started by people competing for position near the main stage. Oh yeah, I also saw a guy in a chicken suit fighting a guy wearing a gold dress at Coachella.
  • STEP 6: HOP THE FENCE. The fences surrounding Coachella aren't exactly easy to climb over, and they have plenty of security guards watching. Unless you're a ninja, you'll probably get caught trying.
  • STEP 7: RUN AROUND NAKED. This isn't Woodstock '69, man. Run around naked at Coachella, and you'll eventually gets gang tackled by the po-po. Just like the guy in the pic.